So Then Alan Alda Scolds Me

by admin on August 22, 2011

Do you ever have dreams that make it blatantly obvious that there is something wrong in your life? Like your life is a giant fuckball deep-fried in diarrhea and set aflame? No?

Ok, well, I did a few nights ago.

Typically I have messed up dreams every so often and I am able to tie them to some major event that has occurred. This makes sense as the mind likes to do some housekeeping every now and again and royally fucked up dreams can often be its way of tidying up thoughts and emotions caused by some major happening. These don’t bother me. The dreams that bother me are the ones that occur due to months upon months of stored up fuckery that I have swept under the mental rug.

This was the type of dream I had a few nights ago.

The dream started off wonderfully. I was in some magical hybrid of New York and the Caribbean. There were skyscrapers and city folk paired with palm trees, tropical weather and some random beach tandem to crystal clear water. Awesome. I was setting up mass emails to go out for work, but the scene was enjoyable so work wasn’t so bad.

Then the sirens started.

Apparently my tropical paradise was about to be decimated by a tornado. Firstly, we were told to get in lifeboats. That seems not safe. Secondly, the storm destroyed everything. Srsly – people were lucky to be alive. I joked to a nearby survivor,  “My boss will probably ask me if I got the emails out before he asks if I’m still alive.” LOL.

“That’s not funny. Business always comes first. I hope you got those emails out.”

Um. Wut?

After removing myself from the potential crime scene, I went to see if my phone had survived the storm. On the way, I ran into someone I perceived as one of my bosses, but who was really my dean from high school. He told me I looked terrible. My life is tits!

In the next scene, I am serving drinks to people who come across as very important, one of whom is actually t.v. star Alan Alda. He looks me square in the eye and says, “Are you done making mistakes?”

I say nothing and leave. I’m fairly certain I had a rage blackout in my dream.

I am pretty sure that this is the kind of dream people are having when they accidentally strangle their spouse in their sleep.

"Hey rectumhead, Are you done fucking shit up?"

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